Tube Talk: The Bear Necessities

"Man vs. Wild" introduces couch potatoes to the great outdoors.

For most Discovery Channel watchers, braving cross-town traffic is an adventure, and an unairconditioned movie theater is roughing it. But every week, we couch potatoes can watch as Bear Grylls—the man in Discovery Channel's reality series "Man vs. Wild"—overcomes challenges in the most hostile environments on Earth, from the scorching Australian Outback to the frigid French Alps. Given only the clothes on his back, a knife, a flint, and a water bottle, Grylls must find a way back to civilization while feeding, hydrating, sheltering, and protecting himself throughout the journey.

Vicarious Viewing
"Man vs. Wild" puts viewers in the odd position of watching passively while a man scrambles to find basic needs. It's especially guilt-inducing to tune in during dinner. While I savor mouthfuls of home cooking, Grylls scrambles in the dirt to collect nutritious creepy crawlies, such as ants, termites, and maggots, or something more substantial, such as turtles, live fish, or meat from a lion's fresh zebra kill. While I sip my wine and adjust the volume, Grylls writhes in discomfort after drinking unboiled water in the rain forest. As I settle back into the cushions, Grylls flattens out in a snow cave he dug with his bare hands.

The chances that this TV junkie will set foot in a place containing quicksand, lions, sharks, or avalanches are next to nil. But I still appreciate Grylls' do-it-yourself narration style. Here's what I mean: While making his way through Utah's Moab Desert, Grylls purposely immersed himself up to the chest in quicksand to give viewers a tutorial on how to escape it:

"And the way to try to get out of it is that you've got to stop fighting and try and then lift your body up and wriggle to the surface and change the angle," he said between gasps as he demonstrated the technique. "Pull an arm out. Then ease the left leg out. Try to monkey crawl your way out. Okay, now I'm on the surface, and then just monkey crawl, and you can cross a lot of quicksand in this way." Grylls went on to explain that muck like this would require him to swim the Colorado River rather than walk across to civilization.

Believe it or not, these tips rub off on you. For example, while reading a novel, I called foul when a character who was pulled from freezing water was immediately swaddled in sweaters. Anyone who watches Grylls knows that to avoid hypothermia, you have to strip off all of your clothes, dry off with nearby powdery snow, get your blood pumping with some push-ups, then find some dry clothes and huddle by the fire. Not bad for someone who thinks going to the grocery store at rush hour is too risky, eh?

Grylls also gives facts about the terrain, its people, and its history as he makes his way along. At least once in every episode, he recounts a story about specific hikers, how they got lost, if they survived, and why or why not. My hope is that these episodes become mandatory watching for anyone who wants to travel these areas. His clever thinking, extensive knowledge of the plants and animals in each area, and navigation strategies would certainly heighten awareness of the dangers in the areas for future visitors.

Survival Skills
In a recent interview with KROQ's Kevin and Bean, Grylls modestly described his current career of survival as "one of the few things in life I can do well." Grylls, 32, spent three years in the British Special Forces, which involved rigorous survival training (including being dropped in the Alps wearing nothing but a trenchcoat and laceless boots while evading search teams and dogs for three weeks). During his time in the Special Forces, he broke his back in three places in a parachuting accident. Miraculously, he was able to make a full recovery in 18 months, and he went on to become the youngest man to summit Mt. Everest and survive.

Discovery Channel producers approached him with the idea for the show, and he has had a pretty rigorous shooting schedule ever since. He travels with at least one cameraman, who is not allowed to intervene unless there is a life or death situation. Unlike Grylls, the cameraman is equipped with all of the rations and gear that he needs as well as a radio to call for help only in desperate situations.

During an interview with Conan O'Brien, Grylls said that the show's producers want to up the ante in upcoming epsodes, which means greater personal danger. Yes, Grylls is well qualified for his intense job. Still, I worry about him. Does he sneak some sunscreen to keep melanomas at bay? Without mosquito protection, can he avoid their deadly diseases? Will he tumble down a mountain with the picture of his wife and two boys still tucked securely in his shoe? At some point, he will have to wonder whether it is worth it to undergo these perilous adventures for the entertainment of people who press the volume button for exercise. Hopefully, his survival instincts will let him know when to quit.

Man vs. Wild: *****

(This just in 7/24/07: Times Online recently reported that Grylls doesn't necessarily grin and bear it in the wild, but spends some nights in nearby hotels. This is very disappointing. While it doesn't change the fact that many of the stunts he performs are amazing, it troubles me that he hunts animals for food if he's got a continental breakfast waiting for him at the nearby inn.)